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Jokes! One-liners to Ponder
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  • I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Implants?"
  • I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
  • Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • I live in my own little world. But it's ok... they know me here.
  • I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Shopping tip: You can get shoes for about a buck at the bowling alley.
  • If I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; then I must be perfect.
  • I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
  • Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?


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