Play On Words


  • Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
  • Income Tax: Capital punishment.
  • A used car is not always what it's jacked up to be.
  • To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.
  • A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn't have anything to go on.
  • Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.
  • Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?
  • Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
  • Kleptomaniac: One who can't help himself from helping himself.
  • Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?
  • Once I got angry at an Italian restaurant, so I gave them a pizza my mind.
  • The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type. Her doctor said, "This is a clear case of 'Carp in tunnel' syndrome."
  • California smog test: Can UCLA?
  • Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel? A: Dis-gruntled.
  • A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • I know this guy who works at Sea World; but I don't think it's on porpoise...
  • For as long as I can remember, I've had amnesia....
  • Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She had her baby in the spring.
  • What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously? A receding hareline.
  • Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meatgrinder? He got a little behind in his work.
  • 'Tis better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.



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