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Jokes! Words of Wisdom
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goofy guy

  • Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
  • Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
  • There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  • Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
  • I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
  • My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
  • I am having an out of money experience.
  • I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
  • Not afraid of heights-afraid of widths.
  • I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  • The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
  • The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

smiley  smiley  smiley

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