The following were taken from actual employee evaluations:
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
- I would not allow this man to breed.
- This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This man has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee should go far -- the sooner he starts, the better.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking.
- Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that holds it together.
- A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished using it.
- Fell out of his family tree.
- The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
- This man has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If brains were taxed, he would get a rebate.
- Any dumber and he would have to be watered twice a week.
- If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change back.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he gargled.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.